I don’t know why I’m making this journal. It’s a Monday and I have no school and I guess I thought that this was the best way to pass the time. I have my own journal, one that I bring with me everywhere to write in. There are entries (what you’re actually suppose to use a journal for), drawings, writing ideas, anything that just comes to mind for me. But I find it hard to keep up with if you know what I mean. At the end of the day, as I lay in bed, I reflect on everything that happened that day and I want to write it down but there is thing called laziness and just that there were days where I didn’t want to remember what happened.
This year in particular, I opened my mind up for new things.
Which is really random but I just sort of recently went through what people would call “My first heartbreak” and to be honest, all I want is to be over it. Well, that’s what everyone would want. Honestly, I’m not sure if I even still have to get over it. I have 6 classes with him and with each day that passes, I find it hurting less and less every time I see him. I think the thing that is still hurting me is the fact that even though he was the one who decided to break up with me, he is the one who hates me. Like, isn’t it suppose to be the other way around? No matter how many times I talk to my friends about it, they say he’s just being a dick. Which, yes he is. But why? I apologized for every possible bad thing I had done in the relationship yet he continues to bring it up, as if he’s holding a grudge against me. And here I thought he got over it before I did. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to care about what he thinks and I have told myself many times that I don’t. But at the same time, a part of me hates that he hates me. I honestly just don’t want to have to deal with him insulting me or bringing up old problems throughout the school year.
"Why don’t you just stop talking to him?" you may ask
and you’re right. Why can’t I just leave him alone and forget about the bastard. Honestly, that’s what I do. I don’t talk to him unless I have to but whenever we need to talk, he gives me another reason to believe he really does hate me.
I don’t know what to do….
This is such a stupid thing to write for my first post but…it’s my online journal, right?